


Give until there's nothing left to give

by Aspenthekitsune



Series: Give until there's nothing left to give: Rewrites, drabbles, ideas, and more [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Orphanage, American Sign Language, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Flashbacks, Foster Care, Hurt/Comfort, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Multi, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Sleep | Remy Sanders, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Abuse, Patton has PTSD, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, parental logince, selective mutism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 07:39:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 20,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26349478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aspenthekitsune/pseuds/Aspenthekitsune
Summary: Patton had lived in the orphanage as long as he can remember, spare a few spotty memories from his childhood. The worn wooden walls and squeaky cotts here home to him. They had to be. It was easier than fantasizing and hoping for more; easier than watching every child who gets adopted with envious eyes, watching as they get to be reassured that they are loved. Patton was happy for them, he really was. The kiddos deserved loving families, deserve attention that the orphanage workers just couldn’t feasibly give to all of the children in their care. So he watched. Watched as the days fell into nights and turned back into day once again. Watched as adoption day came by and toddlers were scooped up into loving arms and were whisked out of the cruel cycle of wanting and hoping only to be let down time after time. Watched as he was left behind. Watched as the others secured the only thing he ever wanted and hoped that someday he could have the same.But hope only lasts for so long...Main plot line finished! Extra chapters will be added as they are written!
Series: Give until there's nothing left to give: Rewrites, drabbles, ideas, and more [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1992769
Comments: 59
Kudos: 81





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> READ THE TAGS!! This story contains sensitive topics, so make sure you read all the tags before proceeding! The warnings are the same for every chapter, so I will not be putting the individually. If you are sure that you are okay to read the following story, I hope you enjoy!

Patton had been at the orphanage as long as he can remember, spare a few spotty memories from his childhood. The worn wooden walls and squeaky cotts here home to him. They had to be. It was easier than fantasizing and hoping for more; easier than watching every child who gets adopted with envious eyes, watching as they get to be reassured that they are loved. Patton was happy for them, he really was, the kiddos deserved loving families, deserve attention that the orphanage workers just couldn’t feasibly give to all of the children in the orphanage. So he watched. Watched as the days fell into nights and turned back into day once again. Watched as adoption day came by and toddlers were scooped up into loving arms and were whisked out of the cruel cycle of wanting and hoping only to be let down time after time.

Patton knew that would never be him; knew that at the ripe age of 13 he was well out of the age range that people would come in looking for. They wanted children, young, happy, and impressionable so that they would assimilate perfectly into their new families. Patton tried to act happily, most people love the Happy Pappy Patton routine, even if the only ones there to witness it are the kids. The adults who do spare him a glance seem to smile back when he gives them his almost unnaturally bright and cheerful smile. The workers at the orphanage never paid him much mind, mainly because he was a good child and they didn’t have to worry about him. So smiles from incoming parents were pretty much the only attention he got other than the younger children, and if he could get a smile out of them, then he would take it. 

But Patton knew the real reason he wasn’t adopted. He knew why no matter how many bright smiles he forced on his face, or dad jokes he whipped up, no one would ever adopt him. The words might as well be written across his forehead at this point. He was a rape victim. He had come to the orphanage when he was 6, so he knew he should have more memories, but he didn’t. Most of them were repressed due to trauma response, and he suffered major PTSD from his father’s actions. The few older kids knew, some making fun of him for it, some triggering him on purpose to see him fall to the floor and succumb to the memories that played in his head. Some sent pitiful glances his way, but seemed to ignore him otherwise. He wasn’t sure which reaction he hated more. There was also his history of self harm, although no one knew about that but himself, and if any of the other kids noticed, they didn’t mention it. 

That was why Patton loved hanging out around the little kids, they didn’t know or care what he’d been through, as long as he held them close, sung them a song, read them a story, or played with them, they would continue to love him in return. He was somewhere between a father figure and and older brother to the younger kids, although they probably forgot about him when they finally got to go home with families of their own. Patton wouldn’t blame them. Patton himself had long given up on the hope of getting adopted. Even before he aged out of the favored group, his PTSD always seemed to work as a repellent to most families. Maybe it wasn’t even that though, maybe it was just him as a whole. Maybe his smiles weren’t convincing enough, his eyes not quite scrunched enough, or his honey eyes just not deep brown enough to be likeable. Maybe he was just not loud enough to be heard, or maybe he was too loud to stand out among his fellow peers. Whatever it was, Patton was sure it hadn’t changed, as no parents took more than a few seconds to look at him unless they mistook him for a worker. 

Patton couldn’t even count the amount of times someone had seen him reading to the little kids and assumed he was a worker, approaching him after he was done with the story to ask him about what kids were the best, or inquiring about certain details of the adoption process or where the bathroom was. He had been asked so many times that he could practically give the whole adoption  _ and  _ foster care spiel as well as some of the most seasoned workers there. He always had to push down the small seedling of resentment as they addressed him as an adult and then went and fawned over the other kids. He knew that he was too old for that anyways, but he couldn’t help but yearn for some sort of validation or love. He didn’t need a superhero to sweep him off his feet, just a hug, or a kind word,  _ something  _ more than the icy cold greetings of the wooden floor when he regained consciousness after a panic attack or flashback. The adults didn’t even bother with their fake sympathetic praise anymore. No ‘ _ You’re so brave, bud’ _ or  _ ‘You’re doing so well, just keep breathing, you’ve got it _ ’ just small pitiful glances, or occasionally someone would move him to the bed if he had fainted in an inconvenient spot. But it didn’t even really matter to him anymore, at least that’s what Patton told himself, but he couldn’t deny the flutter of hope in his heart when a couple approached Patton on adoption day and started talking to him.  _ They probably just think I’m an employee. _ Patton reminded himself, but put on a bright smile nonetheless. 

“Hiya there, I’m Patton!” He greeted, holding out his hand for a handshake which was quickly met by the taller looking male. 

“Greetings, Patton.” The man gave a firm shake of Patton’s hand before pulling back and resting his arms at his sides. “I’m Logan, and this is my partner Roman.” Logan introduced himself before gesturing to his husband. 

“Greetings, my fair prince, I am Roman, your local thespian at your service.” Roman greeted in a boisterous voice, Patton held back a flinch as Roman made large sweeping gestures with his hands. 

The three talked for a while, and Patton learned a lot about these two men. He learned all about Roman’s love for theater, and Logan’s fascination with astrology, and he even learned that both of them were fluent in ASL. Once Logan mentioned how he was diagnosed with autism as a kid, Patton knew he had a choice to make. Patton battled with his own mind for a moment, but finally made a decision as he realized that Visiting hours would soon be up. 

“Hey, I’ve loved talking to you guys, and you sound like you would be amazing parents, so I think there is someone you should meet.” Patton interjected once their conversation had met a lull of silence. 

Logan and Roman looked between each other with confused glances before turning back to Patton. 

“You are also a kid here, correct?” Logan asked cautiously, afraid that he had somehow mistaken Patton for a kid when he was a worker. 

“Yeah, but I think I know a kid who would be perfect for you two.” Patton explained, before quickly backtracking. “Not that I didn’t enjoy talking to you, you two are amazing and any kid who you adopt will be very lucky to have you two as their parents, but there is one kid in particular who I think it would make a world of difference to if you two would at least consider him.” 

Patton shoved down his sadness as he explained himself, knowing that he was about to give away the only shot at adoption he would probably ever get. These men were the only ones to stick around this long. But he knew that Dee needed this chance more than he did. He watched as Logan looked at Roman with an unreadable expression before gesturing for Patton to continue. 

“Well, we’d be happy to meet him then.” Roman gave a small smile, not quite as happy as the wide grin he’d been wearing before, but Patton could tell that it held just as much love. 

“Great!” Patton exclaimed with a smile. “His name is Damien, but he prefers to go by Dee. He’s also 13, and he’s been here for about 4 years. He may act a bit cold at first, but he’s very kind once you get to know him.” Patton gave a quick briefing as he tried to wave over a little girl, but accidentally caught the eye of one of the older boys instead, a very particular teenager that seemed to have a singular goal of making Patton’s life a living nightmare. 

Patton tensed up as the bot confidently strode over, standing next to Patton with a shit eating grin on his face as he grasped the boy’s wrist in a particular way that was known to effectively trigger Patton into a flashback almost every time it was used. Patton gasped slightly, fighting to keep the memories at bay and keep the shaking to minimum as he greeted his fellow foster brother. 

“Ricky,” Patton greeted through a forced smile. “Would you mind fetching Damien from his room, please? There are some lovely men who I think he would like to meet.” Patton tensed up even more as he felt the grip on his wrist tighten. He failed to withhold a small sigh of relief as Ricky let go of his death grip. 

“Of course,” Ricky accepted. “I’ll be back before you know it.” He said in a sickly sweet voice. 

Patton subconsciously shook off his wrist, trying to rid himself of the phantom hands that roamed his body. He took a deep breath or two before turning back to Logan and Roman with a smile that he hoped was convincing. 

“He will be here in a minute.” Patton explained cheerily, watching in confusion at the men’s worried glances. “Is everything alright?” Patton asked, immediately stilling his wrist once he realized he was shaking it. 

“I actually was going to ask if  _ you  _ were alright,” Roman admitted hesitantly, afraid to overstep boundaries. “ I don’t mean to assume anything here, but you looked pretty uncomfortable when that kid came up and grabbed your wrist, and you were kind of shaking there for a minute before you responded.” 

Patton’s grin faltered for a second, before he regained his cheery facade. 

“Oh, don’t worry about it, kiddo,” Patton winced as he accidentally called the adults ‘kiddo’ as if he was comforting a young child instead of reassuring potential adopters. “ I just didn’t like the way he grabbed me without warning. It brought back some unpleasant memories, but it was just an accident, so I’m fine! I’m sure he didn’t mean it.” Patton lied. If it weren’t for the fact that he was already leaning against a wall, he probably would have fallen down by now, but they sure didn’t need to know that. 

“Are you su-” 

“Dee!” Patton exclaimed, doing his best to not feel too guilty as he interrupted Logan and waved over one of the only teenagers who would willingly talk to him, even if it was strictly out of public view. 

The boy walked over to Patton with a scowl on his face, glaring at Patton as he stalked towards the boy. 

‘Why the hell did you decide that sending  _ Ricky  _ fucking  _ Valern  _ was a good idea.’ Dee signed with a scowl on his face. ‘You’re lucky I even came after trying to communicate with that ableist asshole. Now what do you need?’ Damien ignored the wary glances coming from the tw adults as he faced Patton. 

‘First of all, language,’ Patton admonished ‘Second, I found some adopters who I think you would like to meet,so at least  _ try  _ and have an open mind?’ Patton signed, his desperation somehow leaking through. Damien barely spared the two a glance before turning back to Patton with a certain exhaustion in his gaze. 

‘Patton, you are going to have to accept that we are never getting out of here,’ Dee scolded, although there was empathy in the younger boy's gaze. ‘Even if you somehow managed to find adopters or a foster family who knew ASL, there’s still the problem of me being a traumatized, defensive piece of shit pretty much all the time. Nobody wants a half blind piece of selectively mute garbage. Accept it, we’re going to age out of the system without a second glance from anyone here. It’s bound to happen and there’s nothing we can do.’ Dee signed angrily, gesturing to the burn scars and clouded-over eye that sat on the left half of his face. 

“Actually” Logan interjected, signing while speaking so that Dee would know he was capable. “We came here to adopt a teenager who would fit well in our home, regardless of any disabilities they might have. And the possibility that the teenager we choose could be you.” Logan gave a small smile and held out his hand to Damien. “ I believe he might have gotten off on the wrong foot, I am Logan and this is my partner Roman. It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance.” 

Dee eyed the hand warily, but shook it nonetheless and stood a bit straighter in front of the adults, slipping on a mask of indifference to hide the shock on his face. 

‘My name is Damien, but you may call me Dee. The pleasure is mine.’ Dee signed before giving a dramatic bow. Dee had always been one for slightly dramatic flourishes. 

“You’re a fellow theater lover, aren’t you?” Roman guessed with an excited grin. 

‘What gave it away?’ Dee inquired, a small smile playing at his lips. 

“I’m a part time actor, I pride myself in being able to recognize fellow thespians and theater geeks.” He explained. “But now, for a very important question,” Roman paused for dramatic effect. Both boys tensed up as they awaited the question, slightly scared of what it could be. “ Plays, or musical theater?” 

Dee let out a sigh of relief, and Patton untensed, letting out a small giggle. 

“Contrary to popular belief, musicals would be the answer to that question.” Patton answered for his friend, who turned a bright shade of red and gave Patton a light punch on the shoulder while glaring daggers at his friend. Logan and Roman smiled brightly at the boy’s antics. 

‘You’re a jerk’ Dee signed, glaring at Patton before turning to The adults. ‘As this traitorous puffball so  _ graciously  _ explained, I am partial to musical theater. What about you two?’ 

Patton stuck out his tongue, but Dee simply ignored him, his grin growing just a bit wider. 

“I am not partial to either form of acting, but Roman is definitely in favor of musicals and loves to spontaneously burst out into song.” Logan said with exasperated fondness, rolling his eyes slightly as he sends an amused look over to his partner, who was making an array of offended noises. 

“You say that as if it’s a bad thing” Roman and Dee said/signed in unison. They turned to each other, looking the other up and down as if sizing up an opponent before bursting into laughter. 

“I like you, kid.” Roman stated, giving Dee a nod of approval.

‘I guess you’re not half bad either.’ Damien admitted with a grin.

Logan was about to say something when a little girl ran up to Patton, flinging herself into Patton’s arms. Although a bit startled, the teenager still caught her with ease and carefully set her down on the ground before kneeling down to her level. 

“What’s up Maddie?” Patton asked, using a cheerful disposition to mask the racing of his heart. 

“Can you read us a story, Patty? We’re all bored and you always have the best stories!” Maddie requested, sending big puppy eyes up to Patton. The teen ruffled the young girl’s hair before responding. 

“Of course, Kiddo! I’ll be over in a minute. You all get ready and I’ll be over there in just a few minutes, okay?” The young girl nodded enthusiastically before bounding over to the group of young kids across the room. Patton just gave an amused huff of laughter before standing back up and addressing the other three. “Well, duty calls! It was really nice meeting you two, and I hope that you have a nice day!” 

“And to you as well, Patton.” Logan offered with a small smile. 

“Best not to keep tiny terrors waiting.” Roman joked. 

‘Have fun,  _ Patty _ ’ Damien signed, making his mocking tone clear through exaggerated hand signs. 

“Good luck  _ JanJan _ !” Patton countered with an innocent grin before skipping off to the children. Dee simply stuck his tongue out. 

Patton giggled as he sat down, he knew that by the end of the day, his friend would be leaving with his new family, and Patton couldn’t be happier for him. Damien was always so kind, standing up for Patton when he could, or helping him get to his room after really bad flashbacks left him unsteady on his feet. Once Dee had even sung him a lullaby after a nightmare. Patton would miss his friend, but he was happy with his choice.

_ He had to be… _


	2. Chapter 2

Things were pretty lonely now that Dee was gone. There were no silent conversations at night, so snarky and quick witted remarks to be heard. Patton missed the boy more than he’d care to admit, but what else was new? Patton also missed the little kids who had gotten adopted, but just like with Dee, he knew he shouldn’t. It was selfish of him to wish that they were still there, he knew, but he still couldn’t help but hope that on those nights where everything just feels wrong and his life no longer seems like one worth living he might just get to hear even a single note of a lullaby from the now empty bed beside his. 

But life moves on, and Patton was forced to move with it. Adoption days came and went, weeks turned to months, and months to a year. Now, at 14 Patton has finally come to terms with the fact that maybe he was just never meant to have love given to him, so he would have to make it instead. He would spend all of his time with the kids, trying to soak up every last moment of their childlike wonder and unending affection. He would almost cry whenever one of them decided to hug him. It was just human interaction, but it was so much more. Patton might even try to strike up conversation with _Ricky_ at this point. He could handle people talking bad about him. He did enough of it himself to already be braced for every insult that came his way, so it was worth it to have some semblance of a normal conversation.

A razor blade became his best friend in the night. It helped quiet the thoughts that haunted him, threatening to sink him into the shadowy seas of his self loathing. Patton knew it wasn’t healthy. He knew somewhere deep inside that it would only make the pain worse in the long run, but sometimes Patton wondered if there would even _be_ a long run for him. Plus, it worked in the moment, and that’s what he needed it to do.

Before he knew it, he was leaning against the wall of the main room on adoption day watching the little kids play. His goal was to get the other kids adopted, and since he seemed to be a walking repellant to all people, he decided it was best to just sit back and watch until he could make himself useful for them. He watched with a bittersweet smile as adults flocked over to the little group and sat down to watch the little makeshift play that the children had put together. Patton, with a knack for arts and crafts and the privilege of using an exacto knife and scissors, had helped them put together the costumes. He had also helped with the script a bit, but most of the work was the kids. He couldn’t help but feel a bit of pride as he watched the kids act, but it was quickly buried as the tail of the dragon costume fell off of the strip of paper that was holding it up. 

Patton quickly ran over to their little stage area and made his way over to Liam, who was playing the dragon. 

“Never fear, my mighty dragon. It’s nothing a band-aid can’t fix.” Patton reassured the child with a dramatic bow. Patton kneeled down behind Liam and pulled out one of the emergency band-aids from his pocket and used it to reattach the construction paper tail back onto the belt like piece of paper holding it on. 

“All better. Keep on going oh fearsome dragon!” Patton said before rushing off set and back to his place on the wall. He watched as the little kids continued their play.

“Is your role the superhero?” A warm voice asked. Patton looked over to see a man in a tan sweater vest with a pink tie walking up to him. “Cause you just saved the day there.” 

Patton was caught off guard by them pun, but gave a chuckle nonetheless. 

“I don’t know, I’d say I’m more like the inventor on the team with access to the _cutting edge_ technology that is an exacto knife. I would have used tape to put them together, but I didn’t have any on hand and they literally came up to me an hour before visiting hours and said ‘let’s put together a play!’” Patton explained with a fond smile. “They’re lucky I love them so much. I don’t think that an hour is enough time to properly make up a play and costumes.” 

The sweater clad man laughed, and Patton couldn’t help but smile at the sound. He was just happy he finally seemed to be doing something right for once. 

“My name’s Emile Picani, what’s yours?” Emile introduced himself. 

“I’m Patton Hart. Do you want me to call you Mr. Picani, or Emile?” Patton asked, before pausing. “Wait…. Picani… Picani…Dr. _Picani!_ ” Patton exclaimed.

“That’s me, don’t wear it out!” Emile joked. 

“No,” Patton exclaimed, trying to backtrack and make himself look like less of a fool. “You’re Dr. Picani! You wrote that psychology book, right? What was it called…. The art of love languages?” Recognition flashed across Emile’s face, and his smile brightened just a little bit. 

“Yes indeedy! I’m surprised you’ve read it!” Picani explained “Are you a fellow psych nerd, or did you just happen to pick it up?” He inquired. 

“I just happened to pick it up.” Patton explained. “It was one of the books in our young adults reading pile that came with an audio book version. I think it was a left over from someone's school assignment. But once the kiddos get tired of my stories I need something to fill the time. Believe me, I think I would have read a book on animal poop at this point. Friendly human interaction is a gift.” He said with a wistful smile. His tone somewhere in between bittersweet and joking. Emile hummed in agreement

“Indeed it is. Did you know that people can be touch starved after long periods of having little to no form of friendly skin to skin contact with other life forms?” Emile sprouted off the fact. 

“Huh, I didn’t know that.” Patton admitted. “It makes sense, I guess. I don’t know what I’d do if the kiddos stopped liking hugs and cuddles so much. I’d imagine it wouldn’t feel very good.” He mused. A flash of emotion passed across Emile’s face, but it didn’t last long. 

“Indeed, some people say that touch can feel like it burns after long periods of touch deprivation. I remember that my partner, Remy, was incredibly touch starved when I first met them. Of course we didn’t know the name for it at the time, but it became incredibly obvious as we hung out more. That’s them over there by the legos.” Emile pointed out.

He gestured towards a dark skinned person with jet black hair and dark mocha eyes. Their figure seemed more masculine than feminine, but Patton could also see the beautiful makeup that dawned their face. They seemed to be the perfect mix of masculine and feminine, and Patton couldn’t help but stare in awe at how well they were able to pull off the androgynous look. 

“They seem to be getting along well with all the kids,” Patton observed. “Even Elliot seems to be enjoying themself, and they have always been much more shy than the others.” He commented, pointing out the 6 year old who was happily building something out of legos with Remy.

“Elliot is pretty young, right? When did they start asking to be called they/them pronouns?” Emile queried. “Not that there’s anything wrong with that, I’m just curious.” 

Patton paused for a moment, deciding how much to share with the man. But for some reason, this man made Patton want to open up, so he did.

“About two years back, there was another teenager here, their name was Taylor. Taylor was genderfluid, and pretty much everyone respected that, but Elliot in particular took a liking to them. I used to be friends with Taylor while they were still here, and they would always tell me how Elliot would come up to them and ask them all about their gender, and was in general super curious about the topic.” Patton explained. “Eventually, Taylor aged out of the system and got a scholarship to a college in a different state, and they said goodbye and never looked back. I’m happy that they did so, they deserved much more than anyone here was willing to give. But El didn’t understand why Taylor had left, and the loss hit them really hard. I usually help put the kids to bed every night, and Elliot was crying almost every time, asking for me to find Taylor and bring them back, and it broke my heart that there was nothing I could do.” Patton reminisced. 

“So I did the next best thing, and told him that I would listen to them and tell them what I knew about the topic, and in turn they opened up to me. They said that they didn’t feel like a boy, and that they wanted to paint their nails, or wear a skirt, or play with princess dolls, just like the other girls. I told them that they could do it if they wanted to, and even offered to refer to them by she/her pronouns if they wanted. They cried in joy and thanked me all night, and it went from there. We kept talking about it and eventually Elliot told me that they didn’t really feel like a girl either, and so I told them that it was okay and asked them what they wanted me to call them by. And so for about a month now I’ve been referring to them by they/them pronouns and they seem to be happy in their skin. And if that changes, then I or their future adopters will work with that.” He finished with a smile. Patton truly hoped that Elliot would find good parents, and he had a little bit of hope that these two might be the ones. 

“You’re a really good kid, you know?” Emile praised, sending a warm smile over to Patton, who’s cheeks flushed at the praise. 

“Th-thanks,” Patton smiled back. “I’m nothing special, really. I just want these kids to get the love they deserve.” Patton said, something shifting inexplicably in his tone. “The folks here are okay, but these kids deserve to know their worth. I know that they will most likely forget about me when they eventually leave with their newfound families, but if I can take away even a bit of their pain, or make their smiles just a little bit more real, it’s worth it.” Patton’s voice cracked a bit at the end, revealing just how much that statement truly meant to him. 

“You really do care a lot about them, huh?” Emile noted. Patton simply gave Emile a watery smile in return. 

“I do,” Patton agreed. He wiped his eyes and sent a slightly more genuine smile to Emile, who almost flinched back at the pain and vulnerability in this boy’s eyes. “Trust me, praise and approval from someone who truly loves you means more than you know. Coming from someone who’s only been given true praise by three people in his life that weren’t children, one of which was a sick pedophile, having someone tell you that you matter is like water to the dying.” And with that, most of the vulnerability in Patton’s eyes was covered up by a flawless facade of sunshine and smiles. 

“It was really nice talking to you, and I really hope that you consider giving Elliot a chance. Thanks for staying and talking so long, it was nice of you to not run away like most do.” Patton thanked Emile, who was shocked into silence by the sudden change in personality. “Have a nice day!” 

And with that, Patton was gone. He walked out of the room leaving a thoroughly confused and concerned Emile standing in the room. Patton smiled as tears ran down his face, leaving salty tracks in their wake as he made his way back up to his room and sat down on his bed. And that night, Elliot said their goodbyes and Patton lost another close friend. But he was happy, 

_he had to be._


	3. Chapter 3

Patton was sure that Emile had mentioned something to the orphanage staff, because now instead of all of the adults outright ignoring him, they seemed to always send him these unreadable glances when they thought he wasn’t looking. He had always wished that they would pay a little more attention to him, but this somehow didn’t seem much better than before. _ Make up your mind you selfish brat.  _ Patton scolded himself as he drew one last line across the skin on his shoulder, watching as the skin broke and red droplets came to the surface. He sighed in relief as he tucked the blade back into it’s hiding spot among his few personal possessions. With all this newfound attention, he had had to be more careful about hiding his blade in places he knew they wouldn’t find it. He swiftly bandaged his upper arm and slid his long sleeves down to cover any evidence. 

Patton numbly laid back down on his cott and closed his eye, trying to get some sleep and ignore the racing thought in his head.  _ Tomorrow we’re going out into the city,  _ Patton reminded himself.  _ You’ll need to have energy for that so you can keep the kiddos in line. Sleep, or you’ll let them down.  _ Patton ordered himself, although it was met with little success. 

… 

Patton woke up to a facefull of cold water that morning. 

“Get up,  _ Patty Cake _ ,” Ricky sneered. Patton blinked open his eyes to see the boy standing over him with a smug smile. “We’re leaving in 20 minutes, and you missed breakfast. Good luck!” the boy cackled before leaving the room. 

Patton heaved a sigh before sitting up and using his sheets to wipe the water from his face.  _ Not the worst thing I’ve woken up to.  _ Patton tried to be optimistic, but it was more of a bitter thought than anything. He got up out of bed and grabbed his signature sky blue shirt, grey cardigan, and khakis before moving to the bathroom to get dressed. Following his monotonous list of tasks to get ready to be out in public. After brushing his teeth and combing his hair, Patton carefully wrapped the worn grey cardigan around his shoulders. It was one of the few belongings he had brought with him from his home. The cardigan had been his mothers, at least, he was pretty sure it was. He had never met his mother, she had apparently died shortly after giving birth to Patton, so he had no memories of the woman who had given birth to him. Sometimes he swears he can remember her voice, soft and lilting, warm like the summer breeze in a field of flowers under the waning light of the sun. But he isn’t sure if that’s really a memory or just his imagination trying to believe that there was once a person who loved him. 

One night while his father was out drinking with his friends Patton had snuck into his father’s room. It was fall, and the winds were getting colder and he needed a new jacket, but Patton knew that his father would never agree. So instead he went to find some old bins of clothes to search through when he had found a small box buried in the back of his father’s closet. He hesitantly opened the box and found a couple odd items that Patton had never seen before. He found an old tea set, the fancy chinaware was dusty, but it’s beautiful designs and intricate details shone through. He also found a picture of an unfamiliar woman and a man that he vaguely recognized as his father smiling at a park. Lastly, he found a slightly worn looking light grey cardigan made of soft yarn . It looked hand made, and had a nice weighty feeling to it. Patton quickly took the cardigan from that box and ran back to his room. He had seen the photo once or twice after that, and realized the resemblance between him and his mother. He had her eyes and her dimples as well as her curly hair. He wore the cardigan mostly as a comfort item, hence why he didn’t  _ actually  _ wear it like a normal human being. He wore it so when everything just became too much, he could remember that there was  _ one person  _ out there who cared for him. And if someone was able to care once, maybe someone else can learn to care as well. 

With that in mind, Patton exited the bathroom and made his way down the stairs and stood in the back of the crowd. He immediately tensed up when Ricky walked towards him with a shit eating grin on his face. 

“Did you enjoy the wake up call  _ fairy?” _ Ricky sneered in a patronizing tone. 

“I’ve woken up to worse.” Patton said, trying not to sound outwardly aggressive, but also making sure Ricky knew that he wasn’t just going to let it go. 

“Oh,” Ricky’s tone changed to a low growl that reminded him of the way his father spoke to him when he wanted to do  _ that _ . Patton shuddered at the memories and took a step back, but only succeeded in backing himself against a wall. He could feel his breaths getting quicker and shallower as Ricky took a step towards him, practically pinning him against the wall as the teen moved his hands to Patton’s hips and whispered in his ear. “ _ Like this? _ ” 

Patton whimpered, feeling his legs shaking under him. Ricky simply stood over him with a menacing smile, causing Patton to cower beneath his glare and be sent further into the past. Patton didn’t even make a sound as his knees buckled and he fell to the floor. Patton could _ feel  _ the hands roaming his body,  _ feel  _ the man sink himself into his tiny battered and bruised body. He could feel every pinch and moment as if it were happening again. He vaguely registered a muffled voice calling his name, or maybe it was someone else's name? He couldn’t really tell. The flashback flickered as he became aware of a form sitting in front of him, talking to him. He battled the double vision, fighting to focus on this voice rather than the sensations of his father’s hands. 

Patton blinked repetitively, trying to clear his blurred vision and make out the figure crouched in front of him. 

“.....-atton, pat-…..-atton, Patton, bud, can you hear me?” A feminine voice that Patton struggled to place called out to him. Patton did his best to give a nod, but his whole body seemed to be made of lead and everything just felt so  _ heavy _ . 

“That’s good, bud,” The voice praised.Patton decided that he liked this voice. “ There you are, how are you feeling, Pat?”

“...Val?” Patton rasped, finally placing the voice to be one of the newer workers here at the orphanage. The young latina woman with long flowing chestnut hair and hazel eyes was one of the only people to talk to Patton, and Patton enjoyed her company. He hoped she would still stick around after this...

“Yup, that’s me!” Valerie confirmed. “How are you feeling?” Valerie asked once again. Patton hesitated for a moment, deciding if he was going to lie or not. He decided against lying, what's the point? It’s not like he’s going to be able to go to town right now anyways. His everything still hurt like hell and he was certain that his legs would just buckle under him if he tried to get back up right now. 

“Honestly, I feel like crap,” Patton admitted with a grimace. “Everything hurts and my legs feel like Jello. I’ll be fine, but I think I’m going to have to skip out on today’s activities.” Patton gave an annoyed sigh. He shook his head in annoyance, but quickly stopped with a wince at the splitting headache that had made its way into his head. 

“Flaking again  _ boy? _ ” Patton withheld a groan at the new voice that entered the conversation. He looked up to see an angry headmistress with her hands on her hips. 

“Sorry, Miss. Willson,” Patton apologized, although it was easy to tell that it was a half hearted attempt. “I would love to go, but I don’t think I can walk right now, especially not all the way to town, and I don’t want to slow you guys down.” Patton tried to explain, but he was cut off from any further excuses by an annoyed huff from the mean old woman. 

“You children are always making up excuses, it probably isn’t even that bad! I’ve seen  _ war heroes  _ who still function fine with PTSD and yet the moment you come in you automatically have the right to use it as an excuse!” She argued loudly, bringing the attention of the older kids, but luckily most of the younger kids were either herded away by other workers or failed to pay attention. Patton was normally more patient with this kind of stuff, but today was just not his day, and he growled out a response. 

“If you would like to feel what it is like to be raped by a man 5 times your size and then thrown around like a ragdoll by drunk men  _ be my guest _ .” Patton snarled. Shocking the headmistress into angry silence. “But until then, don’t tell  _ me  _ what I should and should not be able to do regarding  _ my  _ PTSD. You are not a licensed therapist or someone who has actually taken the time to know me and my trauma, and until you are one of those, you have no right to tell me where I should be in terms of healing from it.” 

Both Patton and the Headmistress leveled each other with fiery glares that were so intense that everyone held their breath. Even Ricky, who was unfazed most of the time, seemed to be apprehensive in the current situation. Finally, Miss. Wilson broke the silence. 

“You’re lucky I even  _ house and feed  _ you, boy,” She snarled. “You’ve been here for  _ eight years  _ and you have yet to be fostered or adopted. You’re nothing but a waste of space here. A stupid, no good, unlovable-”

“You don’t need to tell me what I already know,” Patton interrupted her. The tension in the air was so thick that even a knife might not be strong enough to cut it’. Even the younger kids had stopped their conversations to listen closely to what was being said. “I know how worthless I am, how I am unlovable and I will probably die alone with no one to care, believe me. After 14 years of being told, things start to stick. I could probably give that speech better than you at this point, so do us both a favor and move on to someone worth your time.” Patton’s voice rang loud and clear in the silent hall. His usually bright eyes seemed to darken and dull, losing their shine as the numbness set in. 

As the headmistress stormed off and the crowd started whispering, Patton took a moment to steel himself to at least make it up to his room. Suddenly, he felt a small hand being placed on his knee. Patton looked up from the ground to see a young girl with black hair and pale skin looking at him with tears in her eyes. Patton quickly threw up a well crafted facade to mask his current indifference to the world. His kiddos needed him. 

“What’s wrong, Maddie?” He asked, putting a hand on the little girl’s shoulder to try and comfort her. 

“Why was Miss Willson so mean to you?” The child asked, staring up at Patton with big blue eyes.

“Oh, honey. There’s no reason to get worked up about that. Miss Willson just doesn’t like that I can’t go to the city today, and she just decided to take out her anger on me. She thinks I’m lying about being hurt and doesn’t want to let me stay back.” Patton did his best to explain in a way that didn’t  _ completely  _ antagonize the headmistress, but that was hard when he was stuck with limited vocabulary and a heck ton of spite. 

“You didn’t do anything wrong, it was Ricky and those mean ghosts! You shouldn’t have been yelled at!” She protested, launching herself into Patton’s arms. Patton ignored the pain and just focused on hugging back and reassuring the young girl. 

“I know, Kiddo. But it’s over now. There’s nothing we can do about it and you don’t want to let this ruin your day!” Patton reassured Maddie. “I’m okay now. It still hurts a bit,”  _ or a lot  _ “ but I’ll be all ready to play with you guys when you come back! Maybe I’ll even come up with a new story to tell!” Maddie perked up at the idea, and immediately bounced back. 

“Yay!!” She exclaimed, bouncing up and down. “We’ll have tons of fun, meet some new people, and then come back to your awesome stories! Best! Plan! EVER!” Maddie squealed, sending a spike of pain through Patton’s head. He fought down a wince. 

“That’s the spirit, now go head back to the group! I think they’re leaving soon!” Patton shooed the young girl back to the group, and once the young girl was lost in the crowd, he let go of his bright smile and curled into himself. Patton startled when Valerie broke the silence, he had forgotten she was even there. 

“Are you going to be alright on your own?” She asked. This was her first time seeing Patton’s flashbacks and their inevitable aftermaths, so she was understandably at a little bit of a loss as to what she should do. 

“I’ll survive,” Patton grunted. He tried to stand up, but as he thought, he simply collapsed after getting no more than an inch off of the ground. He let out a hiss of pain as his rear collided with the floor once more. Valerie looked increasingly concerned, but Patton just waved her off and attempted once again to stand. “ This is pretty par for the course whenever Ricky decides he wants to be a pain in the butt. Normally they just go on without me, so I’m used to it. I always eventually make it back upstairs.” Patton shrugged off Valerie's concern, saying all of this as if it were the most normal thing in the world. And Valerie guessed that for Patton, it was. 

“Well, for as long as I’m here, it doesn’t need to be that way anymore,” Valerie assures Patton, who stares up at her with disbelieving eyes as she offers him a hand. “And lucky for you, I’m not planning on losing this job any time soon. Plus, I’m used to shitty bosses.” She joked. 

Patton let out a surprised snort of laughter before taking Valerie’s hand and attempting to stand up for the third time. He manages to get himself to his feet, but almost falls over again at the wave of pain and dizziness that courses through him. Valerie quickly catches him and allows Patton to lean most of his weight on the worker as he finds his bearings. 

“Easy there, Pat,” Valerie warns him. Patton just smiles gratefully at her before beginning to move towards the stairs as the rest of the group emptied out of the hallway. 

“Aren’t you supposed to go with the others?” Patton questioned as the two made their way up the stairs. 

“Nope, I was stuck with cleaning duty today,” She said with a dramatic sigh. Smiling as Patton giggled at her dramatics. 

“Does this count as taking out the trash then?” Patton joked, earning a dramatic gasp from the thespian beside him. Once Patton was sat down on his bed Valerie made full use of both her arms to gesture wildly like the actor she is. 

“One more self deprecating comment out of you and I will be forced to make you endure my performances of musicals start to finish!” She jokingly threatened, pushing down on Patton’s chest to get the boy to lay down and succumb to the exhaustion that clearly showed on his face. Patton didn’t fight it, laying down and pulling the covers over himself with a yawn as he gave a snort of laughter. 

“For some reason, that doesn’t sound like too bad of a punishment,” He joked, adopting a face of deep thinking before speaking again. “Actually, on second thought, you’re right. That would be dreadful. I’m sure your performances fall as flat as your high notes.” Patton giggled as Valerie squacked in offense. 

“You wound me, child,” She deadpanned, sitting on the edge of Patton’s bed and softy running her hand through Patton’s blonde curly hair. She watched with sympathy as the boy nuzzled into the touch, closing his eyes and letting out a subconscious sigh of contemptment as he allowed himself to be comforted by the warmth of her hand. “I know you might not believe me, Pat, but you are an amazing kid.” Valerie started, catching Patton’s honey eyes as he looked up at her with so much hope and vulnerability that it broke her heart. “I’ve known you for a little over a week, and you’ve been nothing short of amazing to every person here, whether or not they deserved it. You have a heart of gold, Pat. You are worth so much more than you know.” Valerie continued running her hand through Patton’s hair in a comforting motion. 

“ _ I want to believe you”  _ Patton whispered, his voice shaky and broken. “ I want to believe you  _ so bad,  _ Val. I want to believe this life is worth living. I want to believe that there might be  _ someone  _ out there who will love me enough to accept me into their family, or even that there is another teen out there who will love me enough to one day start a family of our own.” Valerie’s heart broke as silent tears streamed down Patton’s face. “ I don’t want to live like this anymore, Val. It  _ hurts _ . It hurts every single day and every single night that not a single person who has stepped into these walls has ever bothered to come back for me. That no one could find a  _ single  _ part of me worth loving.” Patton hiccuped a sob as Valerie pulled him up into a hug, cradling the teen in her arms and holding him. “ _ I- _ I can’t keep going like this. Val, I’m  _ scared! _ ” Patton sobbed, curling himself tighter into Valerie's steady arms. 

“What are you scared of, chiquitito?” Valerie asked softly, slowly rocking back and forth in a calming motion. Patton was silent for a moment, tensing up in Valerie’s hold, before releasing all tension and sagging into Valerie, burying his face in her shoulder. 

“ _ I’m scared to live,”  _ Patton’s words came out as a barely audible whisper, but the words rang loud and clear through the empty room. “ _ I don’t want to live anymore, Val _ .” The admission shocked Valerie into silence. “ _ I don’t want to be here if all that’s waiting is pain. I’m tired of hurting. I wanna go home…”  _ Patton cried quietly into Valerie’s chest as the orphanage worker held onto Patton just a little tighter. 

“Shhhh...No one’s going to hurt you, mi paloma. I won’t let them hurt you, I promise.” Valerie reassured Patton as the teen slowly released his death grip on Valerie’s shirt. The exhaustion and hurt was clear on his face. It hurt Valerie more than she’d care to admit to see the normally bright and cheery boy so broken. She hates that she didn’t realize that there was more underneath the cheery facade and protector role he hid behind. But in that moment, Valerie knew she would do anything she could to make sure that this boy would be safe and happy. Patton was mostly limp in her arms at this point. The exhaustion and emotional turmoil finally taking its toll. “Go to sleep, little one. I’m right here, I won’t let anything get you.” Valerie comforted, taking on the tone one would use when comforting a small child. 

“ _ Can you sing a song? _ ” Patton whispered. Normally, he would be embarrassed for even asking that, but right now he just wanted to feel  _ safe.  _ Valerie gave a small chuckle and resumed carding her hands through Patton’s hair. 

“Of course, paloma. I’ll sing you one of my favorites.” Valerie consented before taking a deep breath and beginning to sing.

“ _ A dream is a wish your heart makes.”  _

Patton immediately relaxed, sinking into the sheets as he let himself drift away to the beautiful melody. 

_ “When you’re half asleep.” _

Valerie’s heart clenched as Patton immediately let himself succumb to sleep.  _ He must be exhausted. _

“ _ In your dreams you will lose your heartaches,” _

Once Valerie was sure that the boy was asleep, she quietly pulled out her phone and opened up her contacts. She scrolled down the list until she found the one she was looking for and pressed call, knowing that her friend would most likely be able to call. 

“ _ and what you wish for, you keep.” _

The phone rang three times before it was answered. A cheery voice rang out on the other end. 

“Hey, Valerie! What’s up?” The cheery voice inquired. “You normally text first. Is everything alright?” 

“Kinda, this is a bit of an urgent matter. But I only have one free hand right now, so I thought it would just be easier to call.” She explained. “Sorry if I caught you off guard.” 

“It’s no problem, what did you need to talk about?” the voice inquired. Valerie took a deep breath before continuing. 

“You said you were thinking about fostering, right, Thomas?” 

“Yeah, I think it’s something I want to do since I have the time and the space. What does that have to do with it though?” Thomas responded, curiosity leaking into his tone. Valerie stole one more glance down at Patton’s sleeping form before pushing forward.

“Well, I have a favor or two to cash in…”


	4. Chapter 4

It had been a little over a month since that day, and Patton was now waiting with Valerie for potential adopters to start coming. After Patton’s confession, Valerie had been hanging around him a lot more, talking to him and doing her best to make sure that Ricky stayed away. And whenever Ricky eventually  _ did  _ do something to be a thorn in the side, Valerie was there for Patton for as long as he needed her to be. The teen had even gotten himself to approach Valerie himself when his thoughts started to go in a bad direction. Of course, she wasn’t there in the night, which was when Patton was normally at his worst, and he still hadn’t admitted to self harm even though he was sure Valerie had her suspicions.

Patton had mixed emotions about today. On one hand, this was the best chance for his kiddos to go to loving homes, but on the other hand, it was showing him what he would never had. Valerie had done her best to curve the habit of self depreciation in Patton, but there was only so much she could do for him. The fear and shame of never having anyone care was deep rooted, and comforts could only do so much. Any progress was still progress, and Patton had been doing better than before now that he had someone who was there for him, but Valerie was well aware that they would need to call a professional onto the scene. Depression and PTSD are no joke, and she knew that even though she had helped some of her friends through rough spots, that didn’t mean she knew everything. 

But today, Valerie had a surprise for Patton. It was not something she would ever admit to meddling with, but Valerie had promised herself she would do whatever she could to help Patton, and this was her way of doing that. So, with a mix of rushed training, a few favors, and perfect timing, there was a special friend coming to see Valerie and Patton today. 

“So who’s this friend of yours, again?” Patton asked, leaning against the wall and shifting his gaze to Valerie. 

“His name is Thomas,” Valerie clarified. “He’s a super fun guy, and he’s the sweetest little puffball you will ever meet.” She assured Patton, who let a smirk fall over his face. 

“So would you say he’s-” 

“Don’t do it-” 

“ _ Spec- _ tacular?” Patton said with a smirk, using one of his hands to adjust his glasses. 

“That was  _ pun _ dementally awful.” Valerie shot back. Patton laughed, but they were quickly interrupted by a gasp from around the corner. Patton watched in surprise as a man with light brown hair, chocolate eyes, and lightly tanned skin walked over to them.

“Did I just hear  _ Valerie Torres  _ making a pun?” The man had a large grin on his face, and looked so much like an excited puppy that Patton had to hold in a laugh. “Let’s get this straight-” 

“Actually, I think youd have to get it  _ gay  _ at this point. Let’s be honest, there isn’t a straight bone in your body, Sanders.” Valerie joked with a sly smirk. 

Patton couldn’t help but laugh, and soon the three of them were all giggling like teenage girls. 

“Patton, meet Thomas Sanders. The only human being known to run purely off of rainbows and sunshine as a life force.” Valerie introduced Thomas, who somehow grinned impossibly wider. “And, Thomas. Meet Patton, the adorably puffball that has managed to keep me sane here.” She joked, ruffling the boy’s hair. 

“I think it’s the other way around, Val.” Patton teased, but the appreciation and gratitude in Patton’s eyes as he bumped her on the shoulder betrayed that it wasn’t as much of a joke as it might seem. 

“ _ Is that Thomas Sanders!?”  _ A voice Patton was  _ all  _ too familiar with called from down the hall. Patton immediately shrunk in on himself when Ricky came barreling down the hall, which didn’t go unnoticed by either adult. Valerie placed a reassuring arm on Patton’s shoulder before turning to the excited teen, and Thomas sent Valerie a questioning glance. 

“Patton! You didn’t tell me that you were friends with  _ Valerie Torres _ , who knows  _ Thomas Sanders! _ ” The boy exclaimed, most traces of hostility. Patton hesitantly looked up and Ricky.

“I-I didn’t know that you knew them. Are you guys related?” Patton answered quietly, curling into himself even more at the dumbstruck look that Ricky was giving him. “W-What is it? Did I say something wrong?” 

“Patton, you dimwit! They are practically famous! Have you been living under a rock or something!?” Ricky exclaimed loudly, causing Patton to flinch and press himself tightly into Valerie’s side. Valerie ran her hand up and down Patton’s arms in an attempt to comfort him before turning to Ricky with a fiery glare. 

“Excuse me, but you have no right to use  _ our  _ names to bully other people,” Valerie spat.

“Yeah, we don’t condone any bullying here or anywhere else,” Thomas confirmed, his normally cheery demeanor becoming more protective as he moved to face Ricky. “I didn’t come here to show off or make a charity appearance. I came here to find someone who would be willing to join my family not because of my fame, but because they care for me as much as I care for them. So I’d appreciate it if you back off and let me talk to my friends.” Thomas finished, shocking Ricky into silence. With an angry huff, he passed them in the hall, purposefully grabbing Patton’s wrist as he passed by, his frown turning to a smirk when he heard Patton’s sharp inhale. 

After making sure Ricky was out of sight, Valerie turned her attention to Patton, who was trembling slightly, but still seemed mostly aware. 

“Are you okay, Pat?” She ask, concern evident in her tone. Patton took a moment to respond, taking a few deep breaths to try and slow his racing heart. 

“Y-yeah. I’m o-okay.” Patton’s voice trembled a bit, but he slowly became more steady as he continued talking. “S-sorry about that. I don’t know what’s up with him.” Patton tried to brush it off, but it was obvious that neither adult really believed him

“There’s no need to apologize, Patton. Nothing in that was your fault.” Thomas reassured him with a smile. 

“Yeah, and you don’t need to make excuses for him, Pat. You know he dies this every time the adopters are around. He’s an asshole. That’s what’s up with him.” Valerie scolded. 

“ _ Language _ .” Patton scolded in a joking tone, although it was much quieter than his normal opposition. However, the small smile on the boy’s face as Patton stood up a bit straighter seemed to lessen the tension in the hallway. Thomas gave a snort of laughter as Valerie put up an affronted act. 

“I can’t believe that a teenager is scolding me for use of swear words,” Valerie joked. “Normally it’s  _ me  _ telling  _ them  _ to watch their mouths. You are a miracle child, Pat.” 

Patton blushed bright red and hid his face in Valerie’s shoulder. 

“ _ Stooooop”  _ Patton whined, in embarrassment. Thomas and Valerie laughed at the bright red that spread across the teen’s face. 

“Never,” Valerie assured him, ruffling his blonde hair. 

“ _ Torres! Can we get some help in here!?”  _ A voice came from down the hallway. 

“ _ Coming!” _ Valerie called, adjusting her ponytail and turning to give an apologetic look to Patton. “Sorry, Bud. Duty calls. Why don’t you and Thomas keep talking for now? I think you guys are going to hit it off. I’ll try to make sure Ricky stays off your back, and Thomas will come get me if anything happens, okay?” Valerie reassured him. 

Patton looked unsure for a moment, but gave a small smile and nodded. 

“Okay. Thanks, Val.” Patton thanked Valerie, who pulled him into a gentle hug before running down the hallway towards the main room. 

Patton and Thomas stood in awkward silence for a minute before Patton attempted to start a conversation. 

“Soo….” Patton tried to quickly think of something to say. “What are some of your hobbies? Ricky said you were kind of famous, so what do you do?” Patton asked. Thomas perked up at the chance to talk about his passions. 

“I’m an actor and singer!” Thomas explained. “I’m most known for my youtube and Vines, in which I usually just make short silly comedy videos or do musical cover with my friends. Valerie is a pretty good singer, you know?” 

“Yeah, she’s really good!” Patton agreed. “I’ve been privy to many of her original ‘how the heck did kids make this much of a mess’ performances. I think I’ve heard just about every song from Rent and In The Heights and she’s only been here for a bit over a month.” Thomas and Patton both laughed, remembering all the times that the actor had made up her own songs to words of frustration. 

“I remember one time when I was down Valerie came over to pay me a visit and made up an entire musical with me on the spot.” Thomas reminisced. An easy smile playing at his lips. 

“That sure sounds like her,” Patton gave his agreement. “She always seems to know just what to do when someone is sad or in need of comfort. I don’t know where I’d be without her.” The last part was a whisper, a quiet admission, but Thomas smiled nonetheless. 

“So what are some of your hobbies?” Thomas asked, wanting to get to know the boy better. 

“Well, I really haven’t had the opportunity to try out many things, but I spend most of my time taking care of the kiddos,” Patton explained. “They all love fairy tales and stories, so I spend most of my time telling them stories and helping them act them out.” Patton grinned widely at all the amazing memories he’s made with the children here. 

“What kinds of stories do you read to them? Any particular favorites?” Thomas queried. 

“Well, I usually just come up with my own,” Patton said with a sheepish grin. “I never really had anyone who told me stories as a child, and I rarely got to watch movies, so I don’t have much reference material to go off of. I also am really bad at reading, so if they want a preexisting fairytale read to them it is normally just me going off of the pictures and hoping that I am getting the story right with what I can decipher from the text.” He explained. 

“Did you just not get much practice reading as a child? Or is it because of a condition like dyslexia?” Thomas asked, before quickly backtracking. “Sorry, that was a bit insensitive, you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.” He said with a sheepish grin, rubbing at the back of his neck with one of his hands. 

“No, it’s alright. There’s no need to apologize, you were just curious,” Patton was quick to reassure him. “I don’t know what dyslexia is, or if it is contributed to by something like that, but I know that it’s at least  _ partially  _ due to a lack of help with schoolwork. I don’t remember much of my childhood outside of the more traumatic experiences, but I think I remember always having an issue with reading,” Patton admitted. “I never really grasped most of the material and I was too scared to ask for extra help, so if there  _ were  _ any issues with my reading they wouldn’t have been resolved. The teacher’s just marked me off as a slow learner or a troublemaker and left it at that.” He said nonchalantly.

Thomas internally winced at Patton’s former treatment.  _ Valerie really wasn’t joking when she said this kid got the short end of the stick, was she? _ He thought sadly, but he just continued to smile and mirror Patton’s calm demeanor. 

“What are your stories about?” Thomas asked. 

“Well, they can be about anything the kids want them to be about! Some are just stories about animals and mythical creatures, some use original characters I come up with on the spot. Some get reused and some don’t. And some use pre existing characters from movies I remember from my early years as well as a few that we’ve watched here.” Patton explained, trying to think about an example she could give. “Like, I think I’ve used a couple characters from an animated movie I got to see the first part of when I was little. What was the name…..” Patton paused, trying to remember the name of the movie. “Um… I think it was Cinderella and the 7 dwarves?” Patton said, although it sounded as though he was asking a question. 

Thomas did his best to hold in a bout of laughter. “Um, I think you just combined two different movies, bud.” Thomas informed him with a goofy lopsided grin. “ Cinderella is one movie, and that’s about a young girl who lives with her mean stepmother after her parents passing away and how she meets the prince. Snow white and the 7 dwarves is a separate movie about Snow white and how she was forced out of her castle and ran off into the woods and ended up living with 7 dwarves.” he explained. Patton flushed in embarrassment. 

“Whoopsie daisy, I didn’t realize that those were separate. I must have gotten them mixed up. Did one of them have singing mice? Yeah, there were two mice, and they sung a lot…” Patton trailed off for a moment, the next part of his reply coming much quieter than the first. “They were singing when dad found me…..” Patton’s gaze seemed to cloud over and he shivered a bit, shaking his head and trying to ward off the memories. Patton went silent, he wrapped his arms around himself and did his best to keep himself steady. 

“Pat, are you okay?” Thomas asked softly, cautious not to make any movements that could cause harm to the delicate boy. “Do you want me to get Valerie?” 

Patton stood unresponsive, gaze glassy and shaking ever so slightly. Thomas was becoming increasingly concerned for the teen. After not getting a response, Thomas decided he should go get Valerie. She would know what to do. But as he moved to go get Valerie Patton let out a heart wrenching cry. 

“ _ No! Don’t leave me!!”  _ Patton cried out, shaking even more as the color drained from his face. “ _ Y-you ca-can’t leave me! I-I’ll be g-good!! I p-promise! Don’t leave me here!!”  _ On instinct, Thomas raced back over to the boy right before he collapsed. Thomas caught the boy and lowered him slowly to the ground, holding on as Patton clutched his shirt in a death grip as the teen sobbed. “ _ I promise, I promise, I promise! I’ll be good, I promise!”  _ Patton blubbered, his words muffled as he buried his face in Thomas’ shirt. 

“ _ sshhhh _ , “ Thomas hushed. “I’m right here, I won’t leave you. I’m not going anywhere bud.” He did his best to reassure Patton. Thomas racked his brain to think of something that could comfort the boy. His mind reached back to something Valerie had said,  _ something about responding to simple comforts like how you would comfort a child?  _ As Patton’s shoulder shook with sobs, Thomas decided that it was worth a shot. He took as deep of a breath as he could in this position and began singing softly. 

“ _ City of stars,”  _

The notes were hesitant at first, but he gained confidence when the grip on Thomas’ shirt loosened slightly. 

_ “Are you shining just for me?”  _

Patton’s grip on Thomas’ shirt loosened progressively as he continued to sing, and the sobs subsided into hiccuping breaths. 

_ “City of stars, there’s just so much that I can’t see.”  _

Thomas ran a hand up and down Patton’s back in a comforting motion and slowly swayed side to side. 

_ “Who knows, I felt it from the first embrace I shared with you.” _

Patton slowly quieted, breaths evening out and shaking dying down to a slight tremble. 

_ “That now our dreams may finally come true.” _

Patton sagged into Thomas’ grip, curling against him to soak up the comforting aura that seemed to radiate from the man. The two sat in silence for a while, Thomas giving Patton the time to compose himself slightly. After a few minutes of quiet, Thomas softly broke the silence. 

“Are you with me, Pat?” He said gently, bringing one hand to run his fingers through Patton’s curly hair. Patton gave a soft hum of confirmation, but made no move to extract himself from Thomas’ arms. Thomas chuckled at how much the teenage boy reminded him of a sleepy cat. “Do you want me to go get Valerie, or a glass of water, or something?” Thomas offered, but the boy immediately gave a mewl of indignation and pushed himself further into Thomas’ arms. 

“ _ Nuuu…”  _ Patton whined into Thomas’ shoulder. “ _ Don’ go…”  _ Patton began to shake again, and Thomas immediately went to reassure the boy, resuming the movement of his hand through Patton’s hair. 

“ _ No, _ it’s alright, bud. I’m not going anywhere. I won’t leave.” Thomas tried to reassure him, and was quickly rewarded when Patton gave a content sigh and let all the tension drain from his shoulders. The teen’s breathing slowly deepened, and before Thomas knew what was happening, there was a sleeping teen sat in his lap. 

With an amused huff, Thomas shifted his position so it was a bit more comfortable. He stared down at the form curled in his lap and felt his heart fill with love. He just sat there for a few minutes, letting himself revel in the protective warmth that flared up inside of him. Finally, Thomas pulled out his phone and dialed Valerie’s number, praying to god that she had her phone on right now.

It took two tries, but eventually Valerie picked up the phone. 

“ _ Is Patton okay?”  _ The immediate protective response gained a snicker from Thomas. 

“Calm down, Val. He’s alright.” Thomas assured her. “He’s actually kind of…..  _ Asleep in my lap? _ ” Thomas tried to explain, his voice raising in pitch towards the end. 

There was immediate laughter on the other end of the phone, and Thomas blushed deep red in embarrassment. 

“ _ He fell asleep in your lap? Gosh, Thomas. I think you’re the only one who can land yourself in these situations. You guys are still in the hall, right?”  _ Valerie laughed at the mental image of Thomas stuck in the hall with a cuddly teenage boy curled up in his lap. 

“Yup, A little help please?” Thomas requested. 

“ _ I’ll be there in a moment.”  _ Valerie told him.

“Thanks, Val. You’re a lifesaver.” Thomas thanked her. 

_ “I know. _ ” Valerie preened proudly, laughter bubbling in her voice. 

Thomas hung up on the phone and slid it back in his pocket as he saw Valerie rounding the corner. To the surprise of absolutely no one, she immediately took photos of a very flustered Thomas and a very comfy Patton. 

“That one’s for the scrapbook.” Valerie said proudly, a wide smile stuck on her face. 

“ _ moooom _ .” Thomas whined jokingly. 

“Hush, darling.” Valerie patronized. “Alright, joking aside, we actually need to do something about this now, don’t we?” 

“Yeah, as comfortable as the floor is I think it would be better to let him rest in a bed. Do you know where his room is?” Thomas asked. 

“Yup! Follow me, good sir!” Valerie led the way after Thomas picked Patton up, cradling the teen in his arms. “Warning though, Patton is like a koala when he’s tired. It might take a couple tries to escape his grip.” Valerie warned, but the smile on her face was so wide that it was really hard to take her seriously. And for some reason, watching over the boy didn’t seem like too bad of a thing if Thomas was being honest. 

Patton was alarmingly light in Thomas’ arms, but Thomas decided to table the issue for later as the two walked into the shared bedroom. Valerie led Thomas over to a bed that he assumed was Patton’s and motioned for him to put the boy down on the bed. Thomas got Patton to lay down most of the way, but the teen still held tight onto his arm in sleepy indignation and whined softly whenever Thomas tried to pull it away. Valerie tried to stifle a laugh as Thomas was stuck sitting on the ground next to the bed with Patton holding onto Thomas’ arm as if it were a stuffed animal. 

“ _ Dur, hur, hur _ ,” Thomas mocked, sending a half hearted glare up to Valerie, who was taking yet another photo of the adorable duo. Valerie failed to hold in a fit of laughter, but suddenly, the laughter quickly died out and Valerie’s facial expression shifted to one of concern. 

“Is everything okay, Val?” Thomas asked, startled by the sudden shift in demeanor. He followed Valerie’s gaze to a spot on Patton’s arm, and shifted slightly to get a better view. He almost stumbled backwards in surprise when he saw a small red stain on the forearm of his sleeve. The stain was faint, almost unnoticeable, but it was something that  _ wasn’t  _ there before their interaction. 

Valerie walked up to Patton with an unreadable expression and gently rolled up the bottom of his sleeve. Both adults gasped in horror when they saw the myriad of scars that marred Patton’s forearm. The two of them shared a look of horror at the blood spotted bandages that covered the area that the stain originated from. 

“Thomas, go into the closet across the hall and grab the first aid kit.” Valerie ordered, slipping into a mask of authority to properly handle the situation. Thomas just nodded and ran off to find the kit. When he returned, Patton’s sleeve was rolled up almost all the way, revealing that the scars likely spanned his entire arm, and were no doubt similar on the other side. Valerie muttered her thanks and swiftly opened up the white and red box, pulling out sterile pads, rubbing alcohol, and a roll of bandages. 

With bated breath, Thomas began to unwrap the soiled bandages from Patton’s arms, his stomach dropping when the fresh cuts were revealed. There were 5 straight lines visible on his arm, a thin layer of semi dried blood coating the area. Valerie looked away for a second before quickly getting to work. She wet the gauze pads with a bit of rubbing alcohol and cleaned off the area as gently as possible. When she made contact with the area, a small whimper could be heard, and Thomas quickly set to stroking a hand through the boy’s hair and muttering soft reassurances. 

_ “It’s okay, bud. You’re doing great,”  _ He said softly. Patton seemed to relax at the sound of his voice, nuzzling Thomas’ hand to the best of his ability. Despite the situation, Thomas couldn’t help the small smile that graced his lips. He was already sold on fostering or adopting this kid from the moment Valerie had explained his situation, but that idea was now solidified by the urge he felt to protect this boy from harm. It was obvious that Patton was hurting, and Thomas would do anything in his power to help lessen that hurt. 

“Alright, that should be all good for now,” Valerie breathed a sigh of relief as the click of closing the first aid kit rang through the room. “Also, it’s settled. If you’re not taking him in, then I’ll find a way to do it myself.” Valerie wore a frown on her face as she walked out of the room. Thomas would admit he was a bit hurt by her words, but he knew that she was just scared. Heck, he was pretty scared too. But even through all the uncertainty, one thought was clear in Thomas’ mind.  _ When I get out of this room, I’m getting the adoption forms filled out. _

_ He will never be alone again. _


	5. Requests are open for further chapters!

hey guys! So, I don't know where I want to go with this series from here. But i know a lot of you guys are really enjoying it, so I am opening up the comment section for suggestions! They can be scene suggestions, general plot lines, or even just brainstorming ideas! I know there is a lot of potential in this AU, and there is definitely more that can be written, but I'm not sure exactly what to do. I am working on other stories that will be posted whenever I get the time, and I'm currently working on turning 'Tell The World I Made It' which is my first fan fiction I posted here, into a podfic and posting it to my YouTube channel! So I've got lots of projects lined up, but if there is something specific you would like to see in this fic, the floor is yours! Let me know in the comments! 

Thanks for all the amazing feedback!

\- Aspen


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> healing is an uphill battle, but Thomas will be there for Patton every step of the way.

Patton trudged back into the house after a long and exhausting day of school. He took out his house key and unlocked the door, stepping inside, locking the door behind him and dropping his backpack by his shoes. Patton was just  _ done  _ with today. In health class they had been talking about self harm and suicide, and Patton was too nervous to ask to be excused, despite the fact that he had every right to ask. So he sat through that class, kind of half dissociating through the entire class. But life just couldn’t stop there, could it? It turns out that Patton’s math teacher had left early, so what does the sub decide to do? Plug in a move. What move? FREAKING CINDERELLA. The  _ one  _ movie that Patton can’t watch. So Patton has to awkwardly explain to the substitute teacher that watching this movie is traumatizing for him and that he needs to go somewhere else. Of course, Patton then gets sent down to guidance, where he is forced to have a very awkward conversation with his guidance counselor about why he couldn’t watch Cinderella with the rest of the class and sit in awkward silence for the rest of the period. 

Case in point, Patton had a sucky day, and he was just  _ so. Freaking. Done.  _ with this day. He just wanted it to be over and done with. And then, to put the cherry on top, one of his new friends, who didn’t yet know about his PTSD, grabbed him by the wrist out of nowhere and triggered Patton into a flashback. Great way to reveal the fact that you are a traumatized piece of garbage, right!? As Patton trudged upstairs to his room, he vaguely noted that he was putting himself down and not correcting it, but Patton couldn’t bring himself to care. He appreciated his therapist, and he had been a huge help in helping Patton rely less and less on self harm, but sometimes he just ignored all the good advice and flopped onto his bed, letting frustrated tears leak into the pillow. Patton let out a frustrated groan into his pillow, not even bothering to move when he heard Thomas knocking on his doorframe. 

“Wow, the day was that great, huh?” Thomas joked, moving to sit on the bed beside Patton, who gave a grunt of acknowledgement. 

“Trauma  _ sucks _ .” He grumbled, sitting up and leaning into Thomas' side. Thomas wrapped an arm around Patton’s shoulders, tracing patterns onto the boy’s arm as he hummed in understanding. 

“Wanna talk about it?” Thomas offered. “It might make you feel better about it.” 

Patton went silent for a moment, heaving a big sigh and curling in on himself.

“It just seems like every time something starts to get better, something else goes wrong,” He vented. “I know it’s all part of the healing process or whatever, but sometimes it is just hard to believe that things will ever get better.” Patton sighed, twisting his head to face Thomas. “I’m so grateful for everything you’ve done for me, Thomas. You have saved my life probably more than once already, and you have been nothing but kind. You have been everything I never got to have in a parent, and I will forever be grateful for that.” Patton took a deep breath before continuing. “I guess I just feel kind of guilty that despite how much time and effort you spend on trying to help me, things just don’t get better. The amount of hugs you give don’t balance out the number of flashbacks I’ve had in public with you; the amount of bad grades I’ve gotten despite you putting your heart and soul into trying to help me figure out how to read… I guess it just feels kind of selfish for me to wish for more. This is the best I’ve ever had, and yet I can’t seem to stop myself from wishing that all the problems would magically disappear. Even though I know that can’t happen. I guess I just don’t feel like I have the  _ right  _ to be sad, or hurting after all the amazing things that have happened. Sometimes I feel as though I would rather just go back to hurting all the time, because at least then I would have a legitimate reason for the sadness.” He admitted, running a hand up and down his arm, subconsciously running at the scars on his forearm. 

“Pat,” Thomas sighed, softly stilling the boy’s arms. “Sadness isn’t earned, it’s a right. You are allowed to feel sad, even if there isn’t any reason at all. I promise that I’m not going to be mad at you for having feelings other than happiness. Recovery is an uphill climb, and sometimes you fall back a bit, and that’s okay. You have me, and Dr. Haley, and Valerie, and so many amazing people who you just haven’t met yet.we all care about you and want you around. Maybe this part of your story isn’t the most fun to be in, but you will never figure out where it ends if you stop writing.” Thomas comforted him, drawing the boy in for a hug, not mentioning when he felt a wet spot growing on his shirt. “Maybe things will never be  _ ‘normal’  _ again, but we can learn to work with that. I love you for all of you, and that includes every panic attack, flashback, and tear that you shed. True family and friends will be there for you through the lows and enjoy the highs right beside you, and I promise to do just that.” 

Thomas rubbed a comforting hand up and down Patton’s back, holding the boy safely in his arms as the teen shook with silent sobs. 

“T-the sub p-put on Cinderell-la in math class t-today,” Patton hiccuped. “I-I asked t-the sub i-if I c-could l-leave, and he looked a-at m-me like I h-had j-just frown l-limbs of s-something. H-he asked me w-why, and I didn’t w-want to t-tell him, be-because I was a-already on the edge, a-and I di-didn’t w-want to h-have a flash-back. H-he barely l-let me go b-before the scene, a-and then I had to t-talk to the c-counselor ab-bout it….” Patton broke out into sobs, clutching tighter to Thomas’ shirt. 

“Oh, Patton…” Thomas soothed, holding on just as tight to the crying teen, carding a hand through Patton’s curly hair. “That must have been horrible. I’m sorry that happened.” Thomas comforted. 

“  _ ‘ts not your fault _ ” Patton mumbled, the exhaustion quickly taking over as he slumped into Thomas’ chest. 

“ _ Shhhhh….  _ Go to sleep Pat, I’ll stay right here with you, but you need to rest.” Thomas gently instructed. 

“ _ Promise?”  _ Patton looked up at him with half lidded teary eyes. Thomas pressed a light kiss to the crown of Patton’s head and adjusted the boy so that he was in a more comfortable position. 

“Promise.” Thomas promised, but he looked down to see that Patton was already lightly snoring in his lap. Thomas chuckled and continued running a hand through Patton’s hair. Things might not be perfect right now, but he has hope that things will get better. 

  
_ They always do.  _   



	7. NOT A CHAPTER: alternate versions of the fic?

First off, I just wanted to say thank you _so, so much_ to everyone who has read this for the overwhelming amount of love and support that this fic got! Seeing your guys' comments is the best part of my day, and it means more than words can describe to me. Thanks for being awesome human beings _< 3 <3<3_

Now, into the main announcement: 

So, while writing this story, I have come up with a few different versions of the arc and how it could go and end differently than this version of the plot. Some are more developed than others, but there are two main ones that are written/being written that I am actually pretty proud of. The first of which is a shorter version of the story that is much shorter and sweeter that pretty much just extends the first chapter into an entire fic. This one is completely finished and would be ready to be posted immediately. The second version is still in the works, but is well on its way to completion. It is set after the second chapter, but instead of Valerie and Thomas coming into the story (at least right away) Patton is emancipated and moves on out of the system and finds himself in an unfavorable situation. The story focuses on his journey of finding home and the people he meets and re encounters along the way. This would be a much longer work (it being about half way done it already is as long as this fic), so it would be a multi-chaptered one that might take a while to finish, but I think you guys might like it. 

So now I pose the question to you guys: would you like to see these alternative versions of the story? I would post them as different posts (except for maybe the shorter one might just go in here) but I would make a collection of stories that showcase the multiple endings I have come up with for the story! Let me know down in the comments if this sounds like something you would be interested in! 

also, P.S.: I do have some more chapters drafted for this, but I am losing motivation to write for this particular story, at least this version of it, and likely won't end up finishing them. If you would like to see a compilation of half finished drafts or something let me know, because I have a ton! Also, with the combination of writing the alternative version of this story and my newest fic - From Dreams To Waking World (I will be there) - I am pretty busy with writing, so new works will take a while to post, but there I definitely have tons of writing coming in the future that I'm super excited to share, so look forward to that! 

Thanks so much for reading and have a happy Halloween! 

\- Aspen <3


	8. Alternate Version #1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if Dee never had to say goodbye?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You all have spoken! It has been less than 3 hours and people have already said they wanted to see the alternative versions! This is the shorter alternative version of this story, and I will work on compiling and trying to at least put bullet points on the unfinished ideas and post them some time tonight or tomorrow. I will also work on doing posting the other alternative version that I'm working on! I hope you enjoy!
> 
> **NOT BETA READ** I apologize for any misspellings and mistakes in advance (-w-;)

Patton had been at the orphanage as long as he can remember, spare a few spotty memories from his childhood. The worn wooden walls and squeaky cotts here home to him. They had to be. It was easier than fantasizing and hoping for more; easier than watching every child who gets adopted with envious eyes, watching as they get to be reassured that they are loved. Patton was happy for them, he really was, the kiddos deserved loving families, deserve attention that the orphanage workers just couldn’t feasibly give to all of the children in the orphanage. So he watched. Watched as the days fell into nights and turned back into day once again. Watched as adoption day came by and toddlers were scooped up into loving arms and were whisked out of the cruel cycle of wanting and hoping only to be let down time after time.

Patton knew that would never be him; knew that at the ripe age of 13 he was well out of the age range that people would come in looking for. They wanted children, young, happy, and impressionable so that they would assimilate perfectly into their new families. Patton tried to act happily, most people love the Happy Pappy Patton routine, even if the only ones there to witness it are the kids. The adults who do spare him a glance seem to smile back when he gives them his almost unnaturally bright and cheerful smile. The workers at the orphanage never paid him much mind, mainly because he was a good child and they didn’t have to worry about him. So smiles from incoming parents were pretty much the only attention he got other than the younger children, and if he could get a smile out of them, then he would take it. 

But Patton knew the real reason he wasn’t adopted. He knew why no matter how many bright smiles he forced on his face, or dad jokes he whipped up, no one would ever adopt him. The words might as well be written across his forehead at this point. He was a rape victim. He had come to the orphanage when he was 6, so he knew he should have more memories, but he didn’t. Most of them were repressed due to trauma response, and he suffered major PTSD from his father’s actions. The few older kids knew, some making fun of him for it, some triggering him on purpose to see him fall to the floor and succumb to the memories that played in his head. Some sent pitiful glances his way, but seemed to ignore him otherwise. He wasn’t sure which reaction he hated more. There was also his history of self harm, although no one knew about that but himself, and if any of the other kids noticed, they didn’t mention it. 

That was why Patton loved hanging out around the little kids, they didn’t know or care what he’d been through, as long as he held them close, sung them a song, read them a story, or played with them, they would continue to love him in return. He was somewhere between a father figure and and older brother to the younger kids, although they probably forgot about him when they finally got to go home with families of their own. Patton wouldn’t blame them. Patton himself had long given up on the hope of getting adopted. Even before he aged out of the favored group, his PTSD always seemed to work as a repellent to most families. Maybe it wasn’t even that though, maybe it was just him as a whole. Maybe his smiles weren’t convincing enough, his eyes not quite scrunched enough, or his honey eyes just not deep brown enough to be likeable. Maybe he was just not loud enough to be heard, or maybe he was too loud to stand out among his fellow peers. Whatever it was, Patton was sure it hadn’t changed, as no parents took more than a few seconds to look at him unless they mistook him for a worker. 

Patton couldn’t even count the amount of times someone had seen him reading to the little kids and assumed he was a worker, approaching him after he was done with the story to ask him about what kids were the best, or inquiring about certain details of the adoption process or where the bathroom was. He had been asked so many times that he could practically give the whole adoption  _ and  _ foster care spiel as well as some of the most seasoned workers there. He always had to push down the small seedling of resentment as they addressed him as an adult and then went and fawned over the other kids. He knew that he was too old for that anyways, but he couldn’t help but yearn for some sort of validation or love. He didn’t need a superhero to sweep him off his feet, just a hug, or a kind word,  _ something  _ more than the icy cold greetings of the wooden floor when he regained consciousness after a panic attack or flashback. The adults didn’t even bother with their fake sympathetic praise anymore. No ‘ _ You’re so brave, bud’ _ or  _ ‘You’re doing so well, just keep breathing, you’ve got it _ ’ just small pitiful glances, or occasionally someone would move him to the bed if he had fainted in an inconvenient spot. But it didn’t even really matter to him anymore, at least that’s what Patton told himself, but he couldn’t deny the flutter of hope in his heart when a couple approached Patton on adoption day and started talking to him.  _ They probably just think I’m an employee. _ Patton reminded himself, but put on a bright smile nonetheless. 

“Hiya there, I’m Patton!” He greeted, holding out his hand for a handshake which was quickly met by the taller looking male. 

“Greetings, Patton.” The man gave a firm shake of Patton’s hand before pulling back and resting his arms at his sides. “I’m Logan, and this is my partner Roman.” Logan introduced himself before gesturing to his husband. 

“Greetings, my fair prince, I am Roman, your local thespian at your service.” Roman greeted in a boisterous voice, Patton held back a flinch as Roman made large sweeping gestures with his hands. 

The three talked for a while, and Patton learned a lot about these two men. He learned all about Roman’s love for theater, and Logan’s fascination with astrology, and he even learned that both of them were fluent in ASL. Once Logan mentioned how he was diagnosed with autism as a kid, Patton knew he had a choice to make. Patton battled with his own mind for a moment, but finally made a decision as he realized that Visiting hours would soon be up. 

“Hey, I’ve loved talking to you guys, and you sound like you would be amazing parents, so I think there is someone you should meet.” Patton interjected once their conversation had met a lull of silence. 

Logan and Roman looked between each other with confused glances before turning back to Patton. 

“You are also a kid here, correct?” Logan asked cautiously, afraid that he had somehow mistaken Patton for a kid when he was a worker. 

“Yeah, but I think I know a kid who would be perfect for you two.” Patton explained, before quickly backtracking. “Not that I didn’t enjoy talking to you, you two are amazing and any kid who you adopt will be very lucky to have you two as their parents, but there is one kid in particular who I think it would make a world of difference to if you two would at least consider him.” 

Patton shoved down his sadness as he explained himself, knowing that he was about to give away the only shot at adoption he would probably ever get. These men were the only ones to stick around this long. But he knew that Dee needed this chance more than he did. He watched as Logan looked at Roman with an unreadable expression before gesturing for Patton to continue. 

“Well, we’d be happy to meet him then.” Roman gave a small smile, not quite as happy as the wide grin he’d been wearing before, but Patton could tell that it held just as much love. 

“Great!” Patton exclaimed with a smile. “His name is Damien, but he prefers to go by Dee. He’s also 13, and he’s been here for about 4 years. He may act a bit cold at first, but he’s very kind once you get to know him.” Patton gave a quick briefing as he tried to wave over a little girl, but accidentally caught the eye of one of the older boys instead, a very particular teenager that seemed to have a singular goal of making Patton’s life a living nightmare. 

Patton tensed up as the bot confidently strode over, standing next to Patton with a shit eating grin on his face as he grasped the boy’s wrist in a particular way that was known to effectively trigger Patton into a flashback almost every time it was used. Patton gasped slightly, fighting to keep the memories at bay and keep the shaking to minimum as he greeted his fellow foster brother. 

“Ricky,” Patton greeted through a forced smile. “Would you mind fetching Damien from his room, please? There are some lovely men who I think he would like to meet.” Patton tensed up even more as he felt the grip on his wrist tighten. He failed to withhold a small sigh of relief as Ricky let go of his death grip. 

“Of course,” Ricky accepted. “I’ll be back before you know it.” He said in a sickly sweet voice. 

Patton subconsciously shook off his wrist, trying to rid himself of the phantom hands that roamed his body. He took a deep breath or two before turning back to Logan and Roman with a smile that he hoped was convincing. 

“He will be here in a minute.” Patton explained cheerily, watching in confusion at the men’s worried glances. “Is everything alright?” Patton asked, immediately stilling his wrist once he realized he was shaking it. 

“I actually was going to ask if  _ you  _ were alright,” Roman admitted hesitantly, afraid to overstep boundaries. “ I don’t mean to assume anything here, but you looked pretty uncomfortable when that kid came up and grabbed your wrist, and you were kind of shaking there for a minute before you responded.” 

Patton’s grin faltered for a second, before he regained his cheery facade. 

“Oh, don’t worry about it, kiddo,” Patton winced as he accidentally called the adults ‘kiddo’ as if he was comforting a young child instead of reassuring potential adopters. “ I just didn’t like the way he grabbed me without warning. It brought back some unpleasant memories, but it was just an accident, so I’m fine! I’m sure he didn’t mean it.” Patton lied. If it weren’t for the fact that he was already leaning against a wall, he probably would have fallen down by now, but they sure didn’t need to know that. 

“Are you su-” 

“Dee!” Patton exclaimed, doing his best to not feel too guilty as he interrupted Logan and waved over one of the only teenagers who would willingly talk to him, even if it was strictly out of public view. 

The boy walked over to Patton with a scowl on his face, glaring at Patton as he stalked towards the boy. 

‘Why the hell did you decide that sending  _ Ricky  _ fucking  _ Valern  _ was a good idea.’ Dee signed with a scowl on his face. ‘You’re lucky I even came after trying to communicate with that ableist asshole. Now what do you need?’ Damien ignored the wary glances coming from the tw adults as he faced Patton. 

‘First of all, language,’ Patton admonished ‘Second, I found some adopters who I think you would like to meet,so at least  _ try  _ and have an open mind?’ Patton signed, his desperation somehow leaking through. Damien barely spared the two a glance before turning back to Patton with a certain exhaustion in his gaze. 

‘Patton, you are going to have to accept that we are never getting out of here,’ Dee scolded, although there was empathy in the younger boy's gaze. ‘Even if you somehow managed to find adopters or a foster family who knew ASL, there’s still the problem of me being a traumatized, defensive piece of shit pretty much all the time. Nobody wants a half blind piece of selectively mute garbage. Accept it, we’re going to age out of the system without a second glance from anyone here. It’s bound to happen and there’s nothing we can do.’ Dee signed angrily, gesturing to the burn scars and clouded-over eye that sat on the left half of his face. 

“Actually” Logan interjected, signing while speaking so that Dee would know he was capable. “We came here to adopt a teenager who would fit well in our home, regardless of any disabilities they might have. And the possibility that the teenager we choose could be you.” Logan gave a small smile and held out his hand to Damien. “ I believe he might have gotten off on the wrong foot, I am Logan and this is my partner Roman. It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance.” 

Dee eyed the hand warily, but shook it nonetheless and stood a bit straighter in front of the adults, slipping on a mask of indifference to hide the shock on his face. 

‘My name is Damien, but you may call me Dee. The pleasure is mine.’ Dee signed before giving a dramatic bow. Dee had always been one for slightly dramatic flourishes. 

“You’re a fellow theater lover, aren’t you?” Roman guessed with an excited grin. 

‘What gave it away?’ Dee inquired, a small smile playing at his lips. 

“I’m a part time actor, I pride myself in being able to recognize fellow thespians and theater geeks.” He explained. “But now, for a very important question,” Roman paused for dramatic effect. Both boys tensed up as they awaited the question, slightly scared of what it could be. “ Plays, or musical theater?” 

Dee let out a sigh of relief, and Patton untensed, letting out a small giggle. 

“Contrary to popular belief, musicals would be the answer to that question.” Patton answered for his friend, who turned a bright shade of red and gave Patton a light punch on the shoulder while glaring daggers at his friend. Logan and Roman smiled brightly at the boy’s antics. 

‘You’re a jerk’ Dee signed, glaring at Patton before turning to The adults. ‘As this traitorous puffball so  _ graciously  _ explained, I am partial to musical theater. What about you two?’ 

Patton stuck out his tongue, but Dee simply ignored him, his grin growing just a bit wider. 

“I am not partial to either form of acting, but Roman is definitely in favor of musicals and loves to spontaneously burst out into song.” Logan said with exasperated fondness, rolling his eyes slightly as he sends an amused look over to his partner, who was making an array of offended noises. 

“You say that as if it’s a bad thing” Roman and Dee said/signed in unison. They turned to each other, looking the other up and down as if sizing up an opponent before bursting into laughter. 

“I like you, kid.” Roman stated, giving Dee a nod of approval.

‘I guess you’re not half bad either.’ Damien admitted with a grin.

Logan was about to say something when a little girl ran up to Patton, flinging herself onto the teenager and grabbing onto his waist. Patton let out a yelp of alarm and jumped away, his breathing erratic as he practically threw the child off of him. Patton stumbled backwards, trembling as he tried to control his breathing and fight away the memories that threatened to overcome him. Patton blinked rapidly as the little girl began to wail. Logan and Roman watched in horror as Patton’s actions seemed to register with his brain, and Patton sprung forward, kneeling on the ground in front of the child and frantically apologizing.

“Oh my god, I'm so sorry Maddie! I’m sorry, Kiddo, I freaked out. I didn’t realize it was you, and I panicked. I’m so sorry.” Patton apologized, tensing up ramrod straight as the child flung her arms around Patton’s neck and clung to him. Patton did his best to relax, but he was shaking uncontrollably as memories forced their way into his mind. He fought tooth and nail to keep enough awareness to finish comforting the little girl as her sobs died down into quiet sniffles. 

“Th-there we go,” Patton reassured her in a deceptively calm tone. “Now, wh-what did you n-need?” He inquired, trying and failing at keeping the shakiness out of his voice. The commotion had drawn some attention over to them, but most were politely ignoring the scene now that things had seemed to settle down, trying to give them some semblance of privacy. Maddie immediately perked up at the mention of why she had come over in the first place. 

“A nice lady is going to adopt me, and I wanted you to meet her!” Maddie exclaimed, wiggling her way out of Patton’s arms and rushing over to a middle aged lady with jet black hair tied back into a braid. Patton tried to stand up to greet her, but found that his legs were still a bit too shaky to support all of his weight. Patton sent a sheepish glance over to Dee, who after a silent conversation via eye contact strode over to Patton’s side and offered him a hand up. Patton took it gratefully and did his best to lock his shaking knees before turning to address the woman in front of him. 

“Sorry for that whole de _ bac _ le, guess I went a little  _ chicken  _ there.” Patton tried to joke. Maddie laughed, Dee gave a quiet snort of laughter, but the relief was clear on his face. The adults just seemed happy that the teenager was okay enough to joke around and took the welcome reprieve from awkward tension. “I’m Patton, I’m so glad that you decided to adopt Maddie here. She’s an amazing little girl.” Patton praised, gaining a bright grin out of the child and a warm smile from the woman. 

“Indeed, she seems to be quite the little ball of sunshine,” The lady agreed. “I’m Margret, or you can call me Ms. Clifton if you would like. It’s nice to meet you, Patton. It seems you’ve built up quite the repertoire with the little ones. I think every child I’ve spoken to has mentioned you at least once.” She greeted.

“Aww, shucks. I just love helping out the kiddos whenever I can. They’re such bright kids and they deserve all the love in the world, so I do my best to give my share.” Patton explained before turning to Maddie, kneeling down once again to get on level with the 4 year old. (Definitely not to avoid collapsing right then and there.) “Now, you be good for Ms. Clifton, okay? Go have fun with your new family. And you have to remember one thing for me, alright?” 

Maddie nodded vigorously, holding up her pinky, which was slowly met by Patton’s. 

“People won’t always be nice, and sometimes there may be people who will want to hurt you, even when you’ve done nothing wrong.” Patton got teary eyed, but he forced himself to continue. “But no matter what happens, always remember to be  _ kind _ . You are worth more than anyone will ever know, and don’t let yourself forget that.” Patton pulled the little girl into a gentle embrace, giving her one last squeeze before pulling back to face her once again. “Now, go say goodbye to the rest of your friends and have fun. You’re going places, kiddo.” 

With that, Maddie pulled her new mother off into the thinning crowd to find the rest of her friends, and Patton slumped from his place on the floor. Still shaking, but slightly less now. Roman was about to step towards Patton, but Dee quickly interrupted. 

‘Let me handle this’ He signed, squatting down in front of Patton, who was still sitting on his knees attempting to get his breathing under control. Dee tapped Patton’s knee to get the teen’s attention. ‘How are you doing, Pat?’ Patton took a moment to respond, taking a deep breath to steel himself. 

“i-I’m fine.” Patton quietly responded. Dee just gave him a look. “  _ Fine,  _ I’m not doing great, but I  _ will be  _ alright. Is that better?” Patton gave in. 

‘Better’ Dee signed, before placing a hand gently on Patton’s knee, slightly deepening the pressure when Patton didn’t flinch away. ‘Do you want help getting back upstairs?’ The slightly smaller teen offered. 

“You don’t have to do that, Dee.” Patton murmured. “ You were having a good time talking to Logan and Roman, I don’t want to take that away from you.” He tried to argue, but the exhaustion shone through his voice. 

‘I’ll come back and finish talking to them after, but you need rest, and I don’t want a repeat of the time you fainted on the stairs.’ Damien shuddered at the memory. ‘Don’t refuse help you need. I know I don’t  _ have  _ to do this. I  _ want  _ to. Come on.’ Dee practically ordered. He was about to hook his arms around Patton’s back to help his friend stand, but quickly thought better. 

‘Safe spots?’ Dee signed, ignoring the baffled and concerned looks from Logan and Roman. 

“Upper back is safe, thanks Dee.” Patton murmured, allowing himself to be pulled to his feet and supported by Dee’s arm which was secured just below his shoulder blades. Patton leaned heavily into Dee’s side as the exhaustion started to catch up with him. 

“Do you two require any assistance getting upstairs?” Logan offered, but was quickly met with a shake of the head from Dee. 

‘I’ll be back in a few minutes, thanks though.’ Dee fingerspelled with his remaining hand. Logan gave a hesitant nod and Dee helped his friend into the hallway. 

It took about 10 minutes for the pair of boys to get up the stairs and into the bedroom Patton shared with 7 other boys, including Damien. The two carefully made their way over to Patton’s bed, which he almost immediately collapsed into, taking a moment to catch his breath before looking back up at Dee with a shaky smile. 

“Thanks,” Patton rasped, his voice laced with exhaustion. 

“Anytime, Patton.” Dee assured his friend. “Get some sleep now, it’s been a long day. I’ll bring you something for dinner later.” Dee sat down on the edge of Patton’s bed, coaxing the other to lay down and pulling the sheets over Patton, tucking him in as one would a child. Dee carded his hand through Patton’s golden curls and sang a soft lullaby that Patton had sung for the smaller children time and time again. 

“ _ You are my sunshine, my only sunshine”  _

Dee watched as Patton relaxed into the touch, nuzzling Dee’s hand and letting out a soft whine as a small kitten would. 

“ _ You make me happy, when skies are grey.” _

Any tension slowly faded from Patton’s body as he sunk further into the cott, his breaths evening out to the slow and steady rhythms of sleep. 

_ “You’ll never know dear, how much I love you.”  _

Dee pressed a soft kiss into Patton’s hair, careful to place it in a safe spot where it would not cause any harm to the sleeping boy. 

_ “Please don’t take my sunshine away.”  _

Damien took a deep breath before standing up and moving to the door, sparing one last pitiful look at his friend before stepping out into the hallway and quietly shutting the door. Dee swiftly made his way down the stairs and back into the main room, which now held any children who hadn’t been adopted and a few adults still talking to them. The teen made a beeline for Logan and Roman, who were now sitting on one of the couches. Roman was drawing with two of the little kids and Logan was sitting by his side, trying to look engaged, but it was obvious that his mind was elsewhere. Logan was the first to notice his reentry, and tapped his husband on the shoulder, who excused himself from the group of kids and moved over to where Dee was standing. 

“Is Patton okay?” Roman asked worriedly, his grip on Logan’s hand tightening. 

‘He’s alright, he just needs some rest for now.’ Dee signed back. ‘He has a bad habit of pushing himself  _ waaaay _ too far past his limits for others, especially the little kids. It isn’t the first time something like that has happened and it certainly won’t be the last.’ Dee signed with a sigh. 

“What exactly do you mean by ‘things like that’?” Logan queried. 

“Yeah, I mean, you can skip out on anything you don’t think Patton would be willing to share, but I think I would like to know at least the basics of what happened there.” Roman agreed. 

‘Would you now?’ Dee signed back snappily, but he quickly shook his head and apologized. ‘Sorry, you’re right. I’ll give you the basics of what happened. If by some miracle you’re still interested in fostering or adopting after all that, you deserve to know.’ He conceded. 

‘Patton suffers from severe PTSD due to some very unpleasant parts of his past. Most of his triggers have to do with certain places or types of physical contact. I’m going to guess Ricky did something before I even got there, prompting him to already be on edge, and that Maddie running up and hooking her arms around his waist, which is a big no go, pushed him over the edge. You saw how he reacted, but then what made it really bad was that he gave himself no time to recover and instead tried to fight back what I assume was a flashback or multiple of them and then went on to initiate more physical contact in very triggering ways for the sake of Maddie’s happiness.’ Dee explained. Roman looked horrified at this information, and Logan had an unreadable look on his face.

‘ Patton’s flashbacks are violent in nature, and due to a mix of phantom pain and emotional exhaustion, it’s not uncommon for Patton to be extremely worn out after a flashback. He has even fainted many times because he pushes himself to keep going farther and farther past his limits. I’m surprised he even made it that long without just dropping.’ Dee admitted. He tossed a hesitant glance to the adults, scanning their faces before continuing. Dee’s gaze softened into a pleading look that broke the couple’s hearts. 

‘I know it’s a lot of work, and I  _ know  _ that Patton brought me here in hopes that you would adopt me, but I’m begging you to take him out of here.’ Damien pleaded. ‘I’ve already resigned to the fact that I will age out of the system, and I’m fine with that, but I’m afraid that he won’t make it until then. He’s strong, but he can only last so long. The older kids make fun of him and trigger him on purpose, and the younger kids are none the wiser and although they love him he cannot stand in the role of a parent. Patton needs help, and it’s not the kind that I or anyone else in this orphanage will be able to supply. You don’t need to take me, but I am begging or you to save him.’ Tears bloomed in Damien’s eyes as he looked straight into the eyes of Logan, who’s gaze was filled with empathy and worry. 

“What do you mean he won’t make it? Is he sick?” Roman asked, placing a sturdy hand on Logan’s shoulder. 

‘Not physically, but his mental health is crumbling. I know you see him at first and he seems all happy, but he’s not. He’s depressed and once you know him long enough it’s clear as day. He puts on that happy act because no one would even spare him so much as a  _ glance  _ otherwise.’ Dee explained ‘No one ever pays any attention to him unless it’s the bullies, and the only person who’s ever told Patton he loves him was a sick pedophile who took advantage of his own son. He doesn’t know that anyone cares, and I’m 99 percent sure that he actively cuts. I’m not sure where he stands in that respect in the current moment, but when I say I’m afraid he won’t make it, I mean I’m afraid that one day I will wake up to find him  _ dead _ .’ 

Dee was trembling at this point, tears streaking down his face as he pleaded with the adults, his hands shaking too hard to form any coherent sign.

_ “I can’t lose him”  _ The whisper barely audible, but the two men heard it loud and clear. 

  
  


“Oh, Chiquitito,” Roman said, stepping forward and opening his arms, and Dee couldn’t even describe how much he just wanted to leap right into the waiting embrace, but he had to make sure first. 

‘Don’t make this harder than it has to be’ Dee signed shakily. ‘Will you take him, or not.’ Roman seemed slightly hurt by his words, but quickly readjusted and moved a hand to Dee’s shoulder instead, looking Damien straight in the eyes to convey the honesty of his words. 

“I promise you that we will adopt him. He seems like an amazing kid and he doesn’t deserve anything that has happened to him,” Roman promised. “But I also think that there’s another possibility you might like even more.” He paused, looking over to Logan and having a silent conversation before turning back to Damien. “What do you think about us taking in both of you?” 

Damien stared in shock at the two men who stood before him. He had expected to be outright rejected. He hadn’t even thought that this was a possibility when he brought it up. It took him a couple minutes to find his words. 

‘ _ For real?’  _ Dee signed shakily in disbelief. ‘ _ You’d be willing to do that? _ ’ 

Logan nodded his head and offered a warm smile. 

“Only if you want to of cou-” Roman was cut off by a pair of arms being thrown around him as Dee launched himself at the man, holding on as if he were afraid Roman would disappear. Roman was shocked as he felt a wet spot growing on his shirt. The theater lover just held on tight and swayed back and forth in a comforting motion, rubbing a hand up and down Damien’s back and humming a soft melody as the boy cried. Roman glanced back at Logan, who simply smiled at his partner and set a comforting hand on Roman’s shoulder. The day might not have ended as they thought it would, but they wouldn’t have it any other way.

“ _ Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!”  _ Dee thanked them profusely. It was quiet, but the older kids seemed to send shocked looks over to the two adults, as if they had all grown wings instead of a boy crying. The two adults ignored them in favor of paying attention to the boy who was still curled into Roman’s chest, although the tears had finally stopped.

“How are you doing, Dee?” Roman murmured, keeping his voice low and calm. Damien slowly backed out of the embrace and gave them a shaky smile, wiping the tears from his face before signing a response. 

‘I’m alright. My apologies for that,” Dee signed with an apologetic smile. ‘Are you really serious about taking us both in?’ He asked again, trying to make sure that this wasn’t some sick joke. 

“I’m always serious,” Logan assured him, holding up his necktie to make a point. “Serious people always wear neckties.” He joked, earning a laugh Damien and an amused snort out of Roman, who wrapped an arm around Logan’s waist and pulled his husband closer. 

“Well, I think we have some paperwork to go fill out then.” Roman said, pressing a peck to Logan’s cheek before turning to Damien. “Obviously we won’t be able to take you home today, as they will likely need to do a home check and such, but I promise we will get you guys out of here as soon as possible.” Roman promised Dee, who gave him a watery smile. 

‘Thank you, once again,’ Dee signed. ‘You truly have no idea how much this means to me, and how much it will mean to Pat.’ 

-/-/-/-/-/-

5 weeks later…

Patton felt the tears well up in his eyes as he stared up at the quaint suburban house before him. He was too shocked to even flinch as Dee put a hand on his shoulder and quietly whispered in his ear. 

“ _ Welcome home, Pop-star" _


	9. Unfinished Draft #1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one of the drafted chapters that I never finished. I do not intend on picking this back up, so if any of you guys feel inspired to pick this up and see it through, go ahead! The same goes for any future chapter ideas you have! If you have ideas and you feel the inspiration to write more chapters for this, then feel free to write them and post them! Just let me know in the comments so I can check them out if you do, and make sure to list that it is an inspired work when you post it!

It had been about 3 months since he had moved in with Thomas, and things had been going pretty well! There were highs and lows, but that was to be expected. Patton had been doing much better since he had started talking to a counselor in town and had been completely clean for about 1 month now! He was still settling into the routine of things, and sometimes he still woke up expecting to be back in the orphanage with Ricky splashing water in his face, but even that was happening less frequently now. 

Patton’s favorite thing about Thomas was how outwardly affectionate Thomas was. The guy’s love for hugs rivaled Patton’s own, and puns were a commonality between the two of them. The pair would spend hours going back and forth in pun wars, seeing who could deliver the final blow. Patton proudly held the title of reigning champion after a  _ spec- _ tacular line of glasses puns where he one upped Thomas every time until the actor finally admitted defeat. Patton walked down to the kitchen for breakfast, greeting Thomas with an excited hug.

“Good morning!” Patton chirped, wrapping his arms around Thomas, smiling back as his foster father reciprocated the embrace. 

“ ‘morning, Pat!” Thomas greeted, watching fondly as the bow bounced over to the fridge and pulled out eggs from the fridge. “Are you ready to go to the library later?” Thomas asked, leaning on the counter and watching Patton pull out the pan and turn on the stove. 

“You know it! I can’t wait to see all the little kiddos!” Patton exclaimed, bouncing with excitement. 

When Patton had left the orphanage, he had felt that something was missing from his life without the little kids he had always cared for. Thomas didn’t feel ready to try and handle a second kid, and he wanted to be able to focus completely on Patton, so he instead offered to help sign him up for volunteering at the local library to read to kids. Patton had lit up at the idea, and has been reading the kids stories every Saturday since. Today, however, was special. Because today, the library had specifically organized and advertised it as an event rather than just something that happens! It was going to be a Christmas special, and Thomas had agreed to help him tell the stories! Patton was super excited, both to tell stories again, and to get to do it with Thomas. Patton loved spending time with Thomas. He loved how spunky the man was, how he would always make sure Patton knew he was doing a good job, and Thomas undeniably gave the best hugs in existence. 

The pair ate breakfast together, chatting about mundane things as they ate. Eventually, Patton headed up to his room and put on clean clothes before pulling out one of the books he planned to read. That was another reason that Patton was super excited about this particular time reading to the kids, it was his first time where he would be able to properly read the book! With help from Thomas, Patton had been getting much better at reading. They had deduced that while his lack of practice reading did not help his bad skills, he was actually dyslexic. Patton had been very confused at first, but once Thomas had explained to him what dyslexia was the teen had been shocked. 

“ _ You mean the letters aren’t supposed to jump around!?”  _ Patton internally snorted at the memory of Thomas’ disbelieving face when he learned that Patton had thought that the letters were  _ supposed  _ to jump around the page. Thomas, along with his school counselor, had been helping him learn to read, and they had been making a lot of progress! He still couldn’t read small print, and he sometimes messed up even with big writing, but he was learning to manage. Plus, now he could ask the teachers for the audiobook version and have a more legitimate sounding reason than ‘ _ I’m a 15 year old who cannot read _ ’. 

**Bullet fic for the rest of this because I never finished it:**

  * Patton goes to the library and reads to kids
  * He's having a great time and enjoying it when he sees Janus and Elliot in the crowd. 
  * He ignores them and pushes through until the end, when Janus approaches him. 
  * Janus apologizes for leaving him despite knowing how horrible Patton's mental state was, and admitted to attempting to visit him multiple times, but never succeeding in doing so. 
  * Patton says that Janus has nothing to apologize for and Janus calls Bullshit. 
  * Elliot says that he's really missed Patton's stories and that he will never forget Patton in his adorable child way. 
  * Patton learns that he might be worth more than he thought he was. 
  * Fluff ensues and Patton gets two of his closest friends back. 



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this draft! Also, if you haven't seen it already, the longer alternative version for this story is in he works and is currently posted as an unfinished work with 5 chapters! It is called 'Hope comes at a cost' and can be found at this link if you would like to read it: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27293170/chapters/66684298  
> See you guys next time!   
> \- Aspen <3

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there! Kudos and comments are greatly appreciated and I will do my best to respond to comments as soon as possible! If you don't want me to respond to your comment then feel free to put 'whisper' at the beginning of your comment and I will leave it alone, and if not then expect a reply! If you think I missed anything in the tags, then feel free to tell me in the comments and I will add said tag as soon as I can.
> 
> See you next time!  
> \- Aspen


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